We all fall in love and we all get our hearts broken. I have recently gone through a break-up where I felt like I had kind of been treated like crap. And by opening up our hearts to someone, we make ourselves vulnerable to such things. Is it worth it? Yes, of course, it is. Can we realize it when our heart is aching and we just wish we’ve never had made ourselves such an easy target? No, not always. But this is my take on how breakups are nothing more than shake-ups.
We all have expectations in love and in some cases, we get disappointed. Good ol’ saying warned us: “Love hurts”. But how can we take this life lesson to make us rise above our own shadows, once again? By simply taking it for what it is. A life lesson.
Break-ups, that we like to realize it or not, are another opportunity to become the best version of ourselves and to not take anyone’s opinion into account but our own. We are the stars of our own show and no one can fire us from our own movie. As partners will leave, we remain with ourselves and sometimes we need to do us.
How can we make the best of a break-up and not dwell on the pain? By not letting it, as simple as that. Of course, there are some other things that can help us make this happen and I will share how I was able to go through my break-up with only a little bruise and not a broken heart.
1. No growth comes out of being complacent.
Sometimes life has a way of coming around and throwing us off our guards. Relationships can hit a point of compliance, which is in itself, something I am not a fan of. We settle, we get comfortable and we stop growing. We can actually sometimes do the opposite of growing, settle so much that we start regressing. We stop hitting the gym, indulge in some poor lifestyle choices that hold us back, rely on someone else so much that we forget what it feels like to be an individual. Of course, some relationships don’t hit those stages and both partners are able to grow together. These relationships don’t need shake-ups because both partners are able to do this on a daily basis. But for the rest of us, sometimes a good deal of unexpected can be a better thing than we could ever imagine. It stops the cycle and resets the whole machine to zero. Resets it so we can expect a better outcome next time, so we can have time to do us which is after all, the most important.
2. Do YOU
Like my previous point, doing YOU is the most important thing, it is what allows you to rediscover your real worth and become even more empowered. Because after all, break-ups are not made to fall back in love with your partner, they’re meant to fall back in love with YOU. All those things that you might have left behind in a relationship (friendships, good lifestyle, beach bod, etc) you have an opportunity to gain it back even stronger than before. It allows you to actually WANT to focus on you and not have to give your power away. And that can be a real gift when you have actually forgotten what it feels like to concentrate on YOU and no one else. Some relationships take a real toll on us, without us even realizing it and sometimes breakups are the only way to open our eyes on what it really was and what we’re really worth at the end of the day.
3. Shake shake shake those old ways
There comes a time in our lives when we need to shed that old skin and to have one of those moments that drag us down to realize how much we have been wronged. And why we have let ourselves been wronged that whole time. Again it stirs up old issues of self-worth and self-love that some of us might ignore when all is going well and we are in our comfort zone. We let it happen in the name of “love”, in the name of not hurting the people we “love”, but at the end of the day we are the ones we need to “love” the most and no one else. People go, but you remain, and that’s why in the story of your life, you are the protagonist that we want to see succeed, and even more after all those that have done you wrong.
4. What if you are the one who has done yourself wrong?
Sometimes we can also be our own worst enemy. We are insecure, we are jealous and we can also have this shadow side that we might not want to deal with, so how can we expect someone else to deal with it if we can’t even do that ourselves? Shake-ups, again, are a great way to bring those issues to light. It is never black and white and we can’t blame only the other person, although we might feel more comfortable doing so. Having a good deal of self-awareness is always great as those people always have some things to teach us, and by being aware, we allow ourselves to grow. And it is not about blaming ourselves nor the other, it is about being aware first and foremost. It is about acknowledging that we have things to work on and take it for what it is, without getting angry. Just to be conscious of the recurrent issues in our lives so that it won’t happen to us again in the future. It is really about honesty, about being real with ourselves and others.
5. Everything that happens, happens for the good.
Although it might hurt like a bitch, understanding the purpose of things is a great way to heal. Accepting that it was necessary for both partners’ growth will empower you instead of making you a victim. I have once had someone tell me that if I wouldn’t care about the issue 6 years from now, it wasn’t worth my attention in the first place. Reminding yourself that you will probably be healed and doing well down the road will help you gain perspective.
6. Give yourself the time you need
It is all nice and easy said like that but after all, we all just need time. Give yourself the time you need and let the cleansing process happen. By crying, you are eliminating some of those heavy emotions and allow them to get cleaned. You need time and it is normal, allow yourself to heal at your own pace. Do the above and still try to gain perspective on the whole relationship so you can grow the most out of it but remind yourself that it might still be a long process. Don’t allow the negative emotions to take control of you and turn you into a pain-numbing machine. And don’t allow yourself to doubt your worth for a second.
Break-ups are never easy, they make us feel small, unworthy of love and can be a big toll on our self-esteem. That being said, in all situations where the above happens, it is an opportunity for growth and self-acceptance. Write in your journal. Talk to your friends. Let the healing happen at your own pace while becoming the best version of yourself. It is never easy but who said it would be? After all, there is probably something better waiting for you.
Until next time,